Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
