Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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