Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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