i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
