so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
