You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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