I CAN MOONWALK!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
