and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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