Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
