We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
