Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
