your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
