at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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