Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
