Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
