You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
