p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
