she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
