apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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