May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
