I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
