I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
