and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
bring money and cleavage
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
