Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dick very happy bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize