you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
