she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
high people should be assigned attendants
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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