Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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