yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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