I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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