So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
