This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We have started to decorate penises.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
