apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
