You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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