I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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