while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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