are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
