Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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