His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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