So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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