she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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