Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
