I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've blown a few things in my day
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I need moral support for this bender
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
