I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
