does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
