I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
