I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
