id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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