im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
