I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
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She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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