Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
