I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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