whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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