I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
