Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
