Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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