you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Bring me that man meat
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
