my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
