I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
