I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
