feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
