In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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