Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize