My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
