$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
